In Loving Memory
by xsynthetic-smile
Summary: here’s everything i’ve always meant to say. [RIKU COLLECTION] [FOR ZANISHA]


**;xsyntheticsmile  
**xdrabble  
xriku – centric  
xpoo, zanisha beat me to the dedication. D:

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**IN LOVING MEMORY.  
**- - - - - - - - -

"_you say that love goes anywhere."_

**.001 Polaris**

**RIKU**

**M**ost people said he was the darkness, the evil, the betrayal. Those were the people who feared and hated him, cursed him for coming back and wished that he'd just return to wherever the hell he went because none of them wanted him here. Of course he never really cared what those people thought, because all he ever needed he already had. Still, he couldn't help but hurt every time they told their _children_ to turn away, come back to mommy, we don't want you to end up like him . . .

He'd sigh then, close his eyes, and walk away, his broken wings just a little more torn and his heart just a little less healed.

_He didn't want to end up like this either._

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wished things had turned out differently. He wished that he had done something else, something _better_. Maybe then he could have stopped this whole thing from ever happening. Maybe then he wouldn't have to hurt this bad.

Somehow he wished he could just be a child again.

Oh, how he longed for that juvenile time, the time of treasure maps and high sea adventures, of swing sets and power lines, of land, sea, and sky. The calm before the storm, and if he'd been given the chance, he would have stayed there forever, unknowing of other worlds, naïve to the darkness. No one ever knew, because really, he didn't want them to. So lonely, so lonely, but that was what he wanted.

He missed those lazy days of not caring. The days when he could just wake up and go play, laughing wildly and sometimes even obnoxiously—his world composed of himself and his desires, and nothing else. He missed when every day was a race for life, for love, for anything, really. When everything was a game and every mistake could be covered by do-overs and second chances.

But life is never really like that.

And so he'd just continue chasing it, that dream, that fallacy, always just a little out of his reach. Soon he forgot to remember everything he tried so long and so hard to recall. He forgot what it was to try, to heal, and to forgive, continuing instead to fight a battle that, in the end, would only lead to yet another hollow victory.

It would mock him then, trapping him within his own mind until the lines between reality and illusion faded, leaving him lost, cold, and alone.

Locked in a haze on an old and empty road, unable to see beyond what was right in front of him—his home, his friends, their concern, and the eyes of glaring headlights coming closer and closer and closer.

He wanted to escape, run away from the pain, willing to do anything and everything to forget.

Willing to lose it all.

And somewhere between the _crash_ and _broken glass_, the irony hit him smack in the face, and no one ever knew.

Just because he didn't want them to.

**.001**

"_in your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there."_

- - - - - - - - -  
**xfini.  
**- - - - - - - - -

**A/Ns  
**×;zohmygoodness i have managed to kill off all of destiny's trio. D: yep, first sora, then kairi, now riku. i'm such an awful person. T.T

×poo, after a month of writer's block, this is best i can come up with? i think my muse is broken. i need to get a new one . . .

×eh, this wasn't supposed to be a collection, but after the title came to me i just figured that riku is such an OWNFUL character that i might as well write how everyone else viewed his death. besides, i already figured out how i'm going to do the sora chapter and ;zomg get ready for some emo!sora action, yo. xD

×dedicated to **'nisha,** one of the most amazing writers on this site. it took forever, and it's so un-original, but i hope it's not _too_ horrible. D:

×DISCLAIMERS:  
-i own nothing.  
-summary taken from jamisonparker's "here's everything i've always meant to say."  
-inspired by jimmy eat world's "polaris" and & then i turned seven's "in loving memory."

×reviews are lovely.

♥ xsynth.


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